Dating with Dignity Part 2: How I Found a Wonderful Boyfriend

Dating with Dignity Part 2: How I Found a Wonderful Boyfriend

When one man disappears, a better man appears

When I wrote Dating with Dignity Part 1: The Case of the Disappearing Man Solved in 2013, I had no idea it’d end up being one of my most popular and impactful posts.

Women continue to find and comment on it. The comments section seems to have turned into a free dating advice forum. Go check it out!. The general feedback has been that my words have helped them in some way. Talk about turning a negative into a positive!

2014: It’s been about 18 months since I wrote Part 1 and I’m excited to share Part 2 with you, so let’s get started. I know 18 months might seem like a long time, but please bear in mind after I wrote Part 1, I didn’t really date at all for about 12 months. I was in Sydney working on getting myself back to New York and, as I saw my future in the US, I didn’t see much point in dating in Australia. But once I was back in New York – this time for three months instead of one – I hit the ground running and pretty much made up for all the dating I didn’t do over the past year. Let me take you through step-by-step how I dated with dignity and found a wonderful boyfriend.

Step 1. Be truly confident in your value

The first thing I did was put up profiles that radiated understated confidence on two American dating sites. I’m a big fan of online dating because it’s one of the most effective ways to find love.

My 2013 profile was full of self-deprecating humour. And while that can be funny, it can also come across as, well, just self-deprecating. Marni Battista of Dating with Dignity says the No. 1 thing men are attracted to is confidence. So, I embraced my best qualities and crafted killer profiles that showed off my top assets – quirky sense of humour, honesty, wisdom, integrity, and green eyes. I didn’t inadvertently apologise for my age or anything else I saw as a shortcoming. This is an ad, people, and you are the product! When was the last time you saw an ad for a car that said, ‘Sleek, sophisticated, roomy… okay, it has a lousy turning circle, but it’s still really good’? Don’t do this in your profile (or out in the world).

Date like you’ve never been hurt.

Step 2. Look for the right qualities

Before you start dating, you need to know what to look for in a partner.

If you don’t know what to look for, you’ll have a hard time finding love. You’ll end up dismissing almost everyone before you’ve given them a chance, or hanging onto bad relationships because you’re besotted by superficial characteristics.

For instance, while you might want someone who’s tall, athletic and makes a certain amount of money, it’s important to figure out whether or not you really NEED these things to fall in love and have a happy life with another person. Try forcing yourself to narrow it down to three must-haves. Yep, just three. Here are mine: 1. He has to be fun, 2. He has to be intelligent, and 3. He has to have integrity. Do you have your three? Good. Now, here’s the clincher – you must be able to meet each other’s relationship needs.

If you’ve found someone who embodies your three must-haves and you can picture a life with them, it’s irrelevant if they can’t picture a life – or the same kind of life – with you.

So, it’s back to the drawing board. But that’s okay. You’re on the right track. For the definitive guide to ensuring you’re looking for the right qualities, check out Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. It’s great for single women of all ages. But if you’re over 35, want to be in a relationship and can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong, it’s a must-read. As you can probably guess by the title, it’s a little controversial. But it needn’t be. Basically, it pushes back a bit on the notion of holding out for your so-called ‘dream man’, and tries to make the dream a little more realistic – but still romantic and fulfilling.

Step 3. Banish bitterness

Not surprisingly, I wasn’t lucky enough to hit it off with someone before I even arrived in New York and then happily date them until the moment I left all over again – that one-off experience was the New York dating equivalent of winning the lottery. Nope, this time round I had both the privilege and misfortune of feeling the full force of the notoriously arduous NYC dating scene – the one that makes you question yourself (Am I good enough?), New Yorkers (What’s wrong with these people?) and whether or not you’re in the right place to find love (Should I move to a different city?).

Everyone kept saying what a hideous place New York is to find love – and I was starting to believe them. Not only was I surrounded by bitter singles (both female and male), but I was reaching out to loads of men online who I felt were well within my league and barely getting a response, let alone a date. While it was incredibly disheartening, I always came back to these two principles: 1. New York was where I wanted to be for my career, friendships and life in general (at least for the time being) and, 2. The idea that I couldn’t find love in New York was flat-out ridiculous. I just needed to keep going until I found my proverbial needle in a haystack. (Although, that’s perhaps not the best analogy, as I can imagine finding a needle in a haystack would result in a nasty prick.)

In short, if you allow bitterness to creep in, you may as well give up right now. I know you’re exhausted. I know you’re frustrated. I know you’ve had it with broken promises. I know you’re fed up with false hope. I know you’re ready to give up on dating in exchange for Netflix and ice cream. I know, I know, I know! After all, family, friends, pets, career and interests are all you need, right? If you’re reading this, I’d hazard a guess you want nothing more than someone special to share your life with. If that’s the case…

Don’t be bitter. Be better.

Step 4. Appreciate each experience for what it is

Finally, after about a month in New York and seven weeks online, I made it out on a date with someone I’d had great profile, email and text message chemistry with – and it was a disaster.

Suitor No. 1 (he was interested – I wasn’t) was a nice guy, but we didn’t click face-to-face at all – not even as friends. (Well, not for me, anyway. I was totally ‘meh’.)

Suitor No. 2 (mutual disinterest) and I had a good first date, but he didn’t ask me out again and I didn’t care. (In fact, I was kinda relieved.)

Suitor No. 3 (mutual disinterest) was a fix-up. (When you’re single and Jewish, people want to set you up with their single and Jewish friends – especially in New York.) After our date, we became Facebook friends, but he didn’t ask me out again and I didn’t really care. (Again, I was kinda relieved.) After there was zero interaction on Facebook (no liking, commenting or messaging), I deleted him.

Suitor No. 4 (I was interested – he wasn’t) was extremely special. We had great profile and email chemistry, and found ourselves out on a date together within a few days. I really liked him face-to-face, too. We had a long, effortless chat, but I must admit I thought he’d be a little funnier, as he was the ultimate blend of light and funny, and deep and meaningful, in his profile. I chalked it up to first date nerves, and thought he might loosen up a bit on our second date. Also, he had a unique feature that I was well aware of going in – he was paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. I didn’t care. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous, athletic, intelligent, inspiring and beautiful. (That’s NOT him in the pic, but you get the idea – super cool and spunky.) By the end of our date, we were holding hands and even had a little kiss. I couldn’t wait for our second date, which we’d already discussed. But within a few days, I received an email from him saying he’d just had a second date with someone else and had hit it off with her. I was kinda devastated – more so because he didn’t say anything about us being friends, which really hurt. But I got back on the dating horse within a week.

Suitor No. 5 (mutual interest) was awesome. Finally, I was out on a date with a decent guy who seemed interested in me. While I thought he was super sweet and sexy, I felt as though he definitely wasn’t ‘The One’ early on. We only had two dates because he didn’t live in New York (he lived upstate) and his next two weekends – the only two I had left in New York – were booked up with other things.

Suitor No. 6 (we have a winner!) was a surprise. I had three weeks left in New York when I met him, so I was running out of time to meet and get to know someone new. You can read all about him here but, in a nutshell, what started out as ‘ho-hum, he’s a nice guy, let’s hang out’ turned into ‘hot-damn, he’s the best guy ever’.

I got something out of every date – from good conversations to life-changing lessons – which is why it’s important to appreciate each experience rather than seeing every romantic (or unromantic) interlude that doesn’t result in ‘happily ever after’ as a failure.

‘Happily ever after’ comes along so infrequently that you may as well enjoy the journey – and my journey has brought some great new friends and contacts into my life. That’s dating with dignity.

Step 5. Be assertive

The other breakthrough moment I had while delving into Marni Battista’s Dating with Dignity material was to be more assertive with men when it came to what I wanted.

She advises women not to slip into ‘cool girl behavior’ and act like they don’t care that the relationship isn’t meeting their needs in the hope that, by doing so, it’ll eventually meet their needs.

Firstly, it doesn’t really work. If a man isn’t giving you what you want, chances are he probably never will. Your only hope is to communicate your needs to him. Secondly, when it comes to love, you deserve cake – not crumbs. Don’t attempt to live on crumbs for too long.

I applied this in a few instances. There was the guy who mentioned sex a few too many times during our first phone call, so I told him I was looking for a relationship – not casual sex – and he sent me a thoughtful email a few days later agreeing we weren’t a match at that point in time. He was fresh out of a marriage and not remotely interested in starting a new relationship. We didn’t end up having a date, which was fine by me.

Then there was the guy who wanted to have heaps and heaps of contact, but never seemed to be able to make time to meet me. When I told him I didn’t feel comfortable having any further contact until we met face-to-face, as I’d been burned by this in the past (see Suitor No. 1), he disappeared. Also, he gave me a creepy vibe, so I’m glad he disappeared.

As for my boyfriend, he got the Dating with Dignity treatment, too. Even though I felt as though we were on the same page about our relationship, I checked in with him towards the end of his trip to Australia just to make sure. I’m really glad I did that, as it gave us both a chance to express how we felt about various things so there was no confusion going forward. In the past, I may have been scared to have this conversation for fear of rocking the boat or being seen as the ‘we need to talk’ girl.

It’s important to note that in all of the above instances, I never said anything in an angry or threatening way, but more in a ‘Hey, this is where I’m at – how about you?’ kinda way. Tone and wording are extremely important.

You can’t bark what you want but, rather, say what you want in a gentle but assertive way. If a guy runs from your gentle but assertive approach, let him run. You can’t have a life with someone if you can’t have a calm, rational discussion with them.

I think being assertive also includes trusting your instincts. It’s one thing to broaden your search criteria to give yourself a greater chance of finding love (which I strongly recommend you do), but don’t feel as though you have to go out with people you’re not remotely interested in.

There’s a difference between settling on one person and settling.

Settling on one person means you’re mature enough to realize you’re not going to get absolutely everything you’re looking for in one mere mortal (and, let’s face it, they’re not going to get absolutely everything they’re looking for in you), but you’re truly happy with what you’ve got and cherish your relationship. Settling means you’ve settled on someone you’re not particularly happy with because you think you can’t do better or are terrified of being alone. Well, as the saying goes, it’s better to be alone than wish you were.

Step 6. Hang in there!

The truth is dating sucks… until it doesn’t.

While I strongly believe in appreciating each dating experience for what it is (see Step 4), I know first-hand that, sometimes, you just want someone special to come along so you can leave the dating world behind and get on with your life – with your new partner. I get it! But let me invoke that old chestnut: It’s a numbers game. The more people you meet and dates you go on, the greater your chances are of finding someone to share your life with. Get the fundamentals right and it’s simply a matter of time. Isn’t that exciting!

Update: 4 years later in 2018

For various reasons, our relationship didn’t work out. You can read all about that in Dating with Dignity Part 3: The Good, the Bad, and the Breakup.

But that’s okay. My partner, David, and I have been together for over two years, living together for over a year, and planning to get married in 2019. (We’re not officially engaged yet, so that’ll be a fun surprise!) I’m so much happier in this relationship.

If you only do ONE THING while you’re here…

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  1. Gabby's Gravatar

    Elly, this is so inspiring!

    I’m in the dating trenches at the moment and, like you said, it sucks. But I feel a lot better after reading your article. There’s now a light at the end of my tunnel. Congrats to you and your new BF. 🙂

  2. Jen X's Gravatar

    ‘Date like you’ve never been hurt.’ Touche!

    Great piece, Elly. I’m going to check out Dating with Dignity now. (I need help!!!)

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      Heh heh. We all need a little help sometimes!

      I couldn’t recommend Dating with Dignity more highly. It’s my favorite dating resource.

  3. Clueless chic's Gravatar

    so my pre school mate and I have been chatting over facebook. Then he arranged for us to meet with mums cause we were going down memory lane anyways he seemed to like me more then I liked him in the beginning as he would say I didn’t pay much attention to him when we met. So he would call and text everyday since he lived in another city we can’t meet daily. We had a date when he came down. Then the next two months was busy with work but we had constant communication. All of sudden I notice a pull back when the work eased down. I expected a call since he his time changed from night shift but he didn’t call so j confronted him and he said he had his family over and couldn’t call then he was texting and I got stubborn and ignored. I felt he could’ve made a call to me at least before going on holiday as well then I asked him what’s going on with us as I feel like jus a fling. He said he is def interested then he said he shy and work been hectic and then he said he cautious after his last relationship. Oh my god how dare he mention last relationship now that making me think he not over that.
    He is on holiday at the moment and msg me will make it up and will resolve this. Should I meet others as I have other guys approaching me?

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      Yes, meet other guys! Not only is this bloke not officially your boyfriend, but it sounds like he’s making excuses and that this is unlikely to go anywhere. Until it goes somewhere, you’re single. So, be single! Single people go on dates. That’s what you should do. Hope that helps. Believe me, when someone really wants to be with you, you’ll know.

  4. […] When you’re finished with Part 1, you can read Part 2 here. […]

    Dating with Dignity Part 1: The Case of the Disappearing Man – Solved! 1st March 2015, 7:13 pm
    • Anna's Gravatar


      This is an awesome article and hits home. It’s funny how you fall on the answers you need when you’re looking for them…:-)
      For the first time in my life I have decided to take a different approach to dating – not sure where the tide will bring me yet, but I like the wave I’m riding so far. I’ve been seeing this incredible man (intelligent, interesting, unique, generous, kind, patient, funny) for the last 4 mths. I did not feel a physical attraction to him when I met him, but could tell he was quality. I also did not feel NOT attracted to him. I was in the neutral zone on that. I stuck with it and he’s growing on me. I am not in love with him yet though….sometimes I do get scared or wonder if I’ll ever get there, but when that happens I try to push those thoughts away and let life happen and decide. I know I cannot lie to myself, and then others, so if one day I’ll need to make a tough decision, I will. But this is a very different path I am walking on – in the past, the 3 guys I have loved, I had felt huge attraction to them from the start. Thoughts?

      • Elly Klein's Gravatar

        Hi Anna,

        Sounds like a step in the right direction, but don’t swing too far the other way. You still need to feel in love with your partner. I got an ‘I love you’ at the three-month mark, and was ready to return it. You’re 4 months in. If you’re not feeling it at 6 months, you might need to ask yourself some tough questions. Just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean he’s the right partner for you.

        All the best,
        Elly x

  5. Searching's Gravatar

    Dear Elly,
    A wonderful article! I am also fond of online dating. I have been dating a man for four months now, and he is intelligent and has integrity, but, unfortunately, is not fun to be with — he never makes me laugh… I am considering breaking up because I can hardly bear it any longer… What do you think? I would really appreciate your response 🙂

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      Hi Searching,

      So sorry for the late response – your comment slipped by me.

      While intelligence and integrity are important qualities (big tick to you for valuing these over, say, looks and money), there’s not much point in having a relationship with someone whose company you don’t particularly enjoy. As you said, you can ‘hardly bear it any longer’ – and you’re only four months in! Not a good sign. Get out, and find someone you can have a giggle with.

      All the best,

      • Searching's Gravatar

        Hi Elly,
        Thanks for your response.
        I broke up with that man, but only a week ago (I did that before reading your response), even though, in the course of our relationship which lasted 5.5 months, I wanted to break up at least 3 times. But now I started feeling lonely and even tried to get back together, however, he seems to be fed up with me wanting to break up and does not want to get back. I think I simply do not trust life enough to give me a man who would truly make me happy. But I do not want to settle for “Mr Good Enough”, or “Mr Not-Even-Good-Enough”, for that matter 🙂 You know, I am in my early 40s, never been married and have no kids, so sometimes I start to worry – but not always. There are other times when I feel confident that, in my life, I am exactly where I need to be, no more and no less. And, one more point I would like to make – you know, it is not so easy to disregard good looks or money… But what I want for sure, is to have this bond with the man, the bond which makes many factors irrelevant. I once dated a man who had neither looks, nor money, but was intelligent and so fun – and I really loved him; but that relationship did not work, finally.
        Thanks for your insight.
        Best of luck to you 🙂

        • Elly Klein's Gravatar

          Hey Searching,

          A few points:

          1. Feeling lonely is not a good reason to get into (or stay in) a relationship, so I’m sad to hear you went back to the guy who didn’t make you laugh and with whom you wanted to break up three times in the course of five months. He did you a favor by not allowing the two of you to get back together. Now, you can go find someone whose company you genuinely enjoy.

          2. I’m not saying looks and money aren’t important at all. They’re just not as important as other things. You need to be with someone you find attractive. And you need to be with someone who’s financially stable. That’s different to needing them to be ‘hot’ and/or ‘rich’.

          3. Settling for ‘Mr Good Enough’ simply means you’re mature enough to know you’re not going to get absolutely everything you want in one mere mortal – and they’re not going to get absolutely everything they want in you. But overall, you’re genuinely happy with the package. As you said, you want a ‘bond that makes other factors irrelevant’. Exactly! That’s what it’s all about.

          4. If you don’t ‘trust life enough to give (you) a man who would truly make (you) happy’ then it probably won’t. You’ll be dating with cynicism. If Marni wanted you to date with cynicism, she would have called her business Dating with Cynicism – not Dating with Dignity (heh heh).

          Searching, you’re only in your early 40s. You have years and decades to be go, and I’m confident you can find love if you go about it the right way. There’s a quote I love: ‘A bad attitude is like a flat tyre – you can’t go anywhere until you change it.’

          Click on one of the links above and check out Dating with Dignity. Another great coach I love is Evan Marc Katz (Google him). And if you ever need help with your online dating profile, that’s my forte! Check out

          Keep in touch,

  6. Chunny's Gravatar

    I feel so relieved after I read your articles. I met a MDM recently online. It seemed we were on the same page and we were a great match. But after some fantastic conversations online for a few days and before I planned to date him, I realised that he completely disappeared online without leaving a kind of explanation. I felt so embarrassed, awkward, burned and hurt. I don’t understand his silence then I withdrew from the dating website. I guess I just need time to keep myself cool before I get online dating again.
    Thanks for your great articles and advices which really encourage me to ‘date like you’ve never been hurt’.

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      “Thanks for your great articles and advices which really encourage me to ‘date like you’ve never been hurt’.”

      Thank you so much, Chunny. So glad I could be of service. Dating like you’ve never been hurt not only feels much nicer than being bitter and angry, but it gives you the greatest chance of finding someone special.

      As for your dilemma, one of three things happened:

      1. His relationship with someone else took off, and they decided to take down their profiles and be exclusive
      2. He has other things going on in his life, and realized he didn’t have the time or energy for dating at the moment
      3. He wasn’t feeling what you were feeling

      While it would have been super-nice for him to have given you an explanation, the reality is he didn’t owe you one. For whatever reason, he no longer wanted to communicate with you. His loss!

      I know exactly what it feels like to fall in love with someone’s profile and a few email exchanges. Some of those experiences led to relationships. Some of them didn’t. You need to remind yourself: 1. It takes two to tango, and 2. You hadn’t met him yet. He may not have lived up to his profile.

      The best thing you can do get back online ASAP and move onto the next guy (or, even better, guys – plural). That’s the beauty of online dating. There millions of singles out there looking for love. Sooner or later, one of them will be your match.

      All the best. xoxo

  7. […] couldn’t be more different to my most recent ex-boyfriend. In fact, pretty much the only thing they have in common is that they’re both really nice guys. […]

    What to Look For In a Partner: An 8/10 Relationship is Good 25th February 2016, 2:16 pm
  8. Smlk's Gravatar

    Geez. U making it sound like “the woman” has to work so hard to win a man ! And not be hers led but change who she is ,her personality ,so the guy will like her. All I got from your article is “dating is stressful and make sure u r all that for a man to accept u !” How about u right what men need to do to win us ? Why is it all about what a woman should not do so as not to piss off a man ,or he will not text back ? Screw hom if he ain’t gonna text ! He is not worth it ,simple ! If I gonna go out with a guy , I gonna be ,me. There is no need for me to put on an act ! Why does the man get to be himself ,carefree of the women’s thoughts ? Why is it the man ain’t panicky what the woman thinks of him when on date ? But a woman has to do this and that to impress him ! They don’t like humor so be it !it only tells
    Me they r boring !simple as that. That doesn’t mean I need tone down on my humor !!geez !

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      Geez, Smlk, you say ‘geez’ a lot. Geez! 😉

      I decided to publish your comment because I thought you and my readers could benefit from my response.

      S (may I call you S?), it seems you really misunderstood my post. So, let’s go through it bit by bit and I’ll clarify everything for you…

      S: Geez. U making it sound like “the woman” has to work so hard to win a man !

      E: Really? Firstly, what part of my post sounded like ‘hard work’ to you? Secondly, as the post was a first-hand account based on my own, personal experiences, naturally I’m ‘the women’ in this story. All of this advice – and I mean all of it – could be equally applied to men who are looking for love.

      S: And not be hers led but change who she is ,her personality ,so the guy will like her.

      E: Nope, not once did I suggest anyone should have to change who they are so someone will like them. But we don’t live in a vacuum. We live in a society. You know that, right, S? We can’t go through life being a bitch or an asshole and expect everyone to still like us.

      S: All I got from your article is “dating is stressful and make sure u r all that for a man to accept u !”

      E: Dating IS stressful, which is why, sadly, many people give up way too easily. But dating is the means by which we find love. And if we bring the right attitude to the table, it can be: a) a lot less stressful and maybe even fun, and b) lead you to a loving relationship. As for being ‘all that’, there’s no such thing.

      S: How about u right what men need to do to win us ?

      E: Because, S, the only person you have control over is yourself. It’s far more empowering to make adjustments to your own behaviour, if you wish, than seething over the fact that someone isn’t behaving the way you’d like them to. Which leads me to your next point…

      S: Why is it all about what a woman should not do so as not to piss off a man ,or he will not text back ? Screw hom if he ain’t gonna text ! He is not worth it ,simple !

      E: Exactly! Screw him. If you’re not happy with how you’re being treated, move on to someone who treats you better.

      S: If I gonna go out with a guy , I gonna be ,me. There is no need for me to put on an act !

      E: Yes, S. Be you. I just hope for your sake that ‘you’ is a little more pleasant than the way you’ve come across in this comment, which is angry, jaded, bitter, negative and self-righteous. Very few people want to be around a person like that.

      S: Why does the man get to be himself ,carefree of the women’s thoughts ?

      E: He doesn’t. Men who have no consideration for women’s feelings end up alone.

      S: Why is it the man ain’t panicky what the woman thinks of him when on date ?

      E: He is. Men experience rejection far more frequently than women do. And it hurts.

      S: But a woman has to do this and that to impress him !

      E: She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do other than be pleasant. Why should he be impressed if she’s nasty to him? Is that reasonable, S?

      S: They don’t like humor so be it !it only tells. Me they r boring !simple as that. That doesn’t mean I need tone down on my humor !!geez !

      E: LOL! S, where in my post did I suggest a woman should tone down her sense of humour? My sense of humour is one of my best qualities. In fact, as a writer, my signature-style is ‘funny, cheeky and fearlessly honest’. And that’s putting it politely. Not everyone likes it. I swear. I crack dirty jokes. I’m politically incorrect. (Are you familiar with the comedian Jim Jefferies? I’m like a female Jim Jefferies – Aussie accent and all.) The only time I tone down my sense of humour a little is for my older relatives. A man who can’t stomach my sense of humour wouldn’t be the right match for me.

      To cut a long story short, S, you can continue to blame all men for not having love in your life. But as I said, the only person you can control is yourself. And if you want love, being a poo-poo will dramatically decrease your chances of finding it. The same applies to men. This advice is gender-neutral.

      I truly believe dating is a skill for both men and women. But it’s not a skill that requires you to change who you are as a person. It’s a skill that requires you to:

      1. Adjust your attitude and expectations
      2. Put more time and energy into it than you might like
      3. Have the strength to move on from romantic prospects who simply aren’t right for you or don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated
      4. Have the wisdom to know when you’re onto a good thing, and treat it with care and gratitude

      I’m currently in a relationship with a man who I’ll most likely end up marrying. I didn’t have to change who I was, but I did have to apply the above four skills. And it was totally worth it.

  9. […] design or make clothes. But I can write. And I have a keen interest in romantic relationships and a ton of experience with online dating. If you want to get the most out of online dating and think your profile could use a little spit […]

    Online Dating Profile Mistakes: 7 ways your profile sucks 16th December 2016, 2:52 pm
  10. […] Dating with Dignity Part 3: The good, the bad, and the breakup […]

    Dating with Dignity Part 3: The good, the bad & the breakup 21st December 2016, 12:10 am
  11. Lindsey's Gravatar

    Loved reading your article although a sometimes it’s easier said than done! I met someone I liked a ton we were in different states however. I visited him we hit it off and then planned a trip together, the trip was perfect he was affectionate and opened up and then when we got home from the trip to our separate states he was short with me until he completed dissapeared.. I’ve analyzed u too I couldn’t analyze no more but it’s still hard to get out there when you spend time on a vacation with someone and everything is wonderful… what else are guys capable of

    • Elly Klein's Gravatar

      Hi Lindsey,

      Unfortunately, the trip was really just a long first date.

      I’m sure he enjoyed the trip but, when he got home, felt as though he didn’t want to pursue the relationship, which would require super-strong feelings considering it would be long distance and eventually result in one or both of you having to move. He chose to do the slow fade rather than be open, honest and upfront about his feelings, which men often think is the kind thing to do, but women find extremely hurtful. Ultimately, he’s not feeling what you’re feeling.

      The next guy has nothing to do with the last guy. So, when you say, ‘What else are guys capable of?’, the answer is they’re capable of worse and they’re capable of much better. Just keep dating, and eventually you’ll find a guy who’ll want to see you again and again and again for the rest of his life.